I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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