i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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