nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
