Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
