I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
