By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
