i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
bring money and cleavage
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That accounts for only three of the penises
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
