What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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