with your own penis?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
