what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
