I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
