why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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