you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
