Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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