Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
