Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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