In America we eat man semen.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
