Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
