and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
