I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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