Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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