i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
