Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
