OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
