So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
