when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
