Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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