I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
