So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
