I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
