bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
