I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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