I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
