I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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