You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
