My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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