better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
