I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
