sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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