I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I puked a lego.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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