i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
