I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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