you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
