one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
