Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
