Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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