It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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