she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Two words: blizzard sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
