Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
