Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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